Discover Your Authentic Self
Finding your authentic self through Attachment-Based Psychotherapy...
When you’ve spent years (or decades) navigating the world with your guard up, the idea of “being your authentic self” can feel… a bit abstract. You might wonder, Who even is my authentic self? And what if I don’t like what I find?
In attachment-based psychotherapy, your authentic self isn’t some shiny, “perfect” version of you. It’s the you that exists underneath the armour.
It’s when your emotional defences can soften because they’re no longer doing a full-time job of protecting you.
Instead of rigid walls, you have flexible, healthy boundaries. You can choose when to let people in and when to protect your space — without it costing you intimacy or self-respect.
Why Defences Form in the First Place
If you grew up in an environment where being emotionally open didn’t feel safe, your nervous system learned to adapt.
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For some, that means shutting feelings down, staying “in control” and keeping vulnerability out of sight.
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For others, it might mean becoming hyper-attuned to others’ moods, people-pleasing, or putting others' needs first to avoid rejection.
These strategies worked. They kept you safe. But as an adult, they can block you from feeling truly connected — to others, and to yourself.
The Authentic Self in Different Traditions
While attachment-based psychotherapy grounds this work in early relational patterns, the idea of the “authentic self” appears elsewhere too.
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), it’s called the “Self” — a calm, compassionate, curious core that’s always there beneath protective parts.
In Eastern philosophies, it’s often described as the essence beyond ego — awareness that isn’t defined by past wounds or future fears.
Whichever language you use, the theme is the same: the authentic self emerges when protective layers soften enough for your true nature to be felt and expressed.
Online therapy is via Zoom enabling you to have therapy in a location where you feel safe and comfortable. We will gently explore your issues gaining greater insight, awareness and healing of past wounds.
The effects of past traumas are overwhelming and you know the impact well. It may be showing up in your life as:
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Difficulty coping with overwhelming emotions
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Withdrawing from others and social situations
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Nightmares or flashbacks
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Hyperarousal (constant state of alertness)
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Hypoarousal (emotional and physical shut down)
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Chronic illness
How therapy helps you get there...
Finding your authentic self isn’t about smashing through your defences. In fact, that would likely feel unsafe and overwhelming. Instead, therapy works gently and collaboratively to build safety so your defences can choose to step back.
In our work together, this might mean:
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Naming your patterns without shame — understanding why you do what you do.
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Processing old wounds that still dictate your emotional responses.
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Practising new relational experiences in-session, so you feel what it’s like to be heard, accepted, and safe.
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Learning healthy boundaries that protect your wellbeing without blocking connection.
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Tuning into your body’s signals, so you can tell the difference between an old fear and a genuine present-moment need.
The Experience of Living Authentically
When emotional defences no longer run the show, life feels different. You can:
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Speak your needs without guilt.
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Feel emotions without being hijacked by them.
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Let people close without fearing you’ll lose yourself.
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Rest in the knowledge that you are enough, just as you are.
Finding your authentic self isn’t a quick fix — it’s a process. But with patience, compassion, and the right support, you can move from living in survival mode to living from a place of genuine connection — with yourself and the people who matter most.
We can work together to help you achieve greater emotional control, develop the capacity to trust yourself and others, and (re)discover your authentic self so you can live a more fulfilling life.
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